House for sale, a house for sale!

We've had 7 or 8 people through our house, no buyers yet. The housing market is so dismal around here that buyers think, and therefore actually do, have no time line. Because NO ONE is buying! Our realtor (Ed) stopped by yesterday to discuss whether or not we need to drop the price to get more activity. He said he just can't be sure, in his 30 some years he has never seen such a market. He said that his clients that are looking are really arrogant picky. He said he's been very busy running around showing houses but that he has yet to close on a house this season. They are all looking for the "perfect" house at the cheapest price and feel in no rush. Which I guess since it seems all buyers don't seem to be in a rush, they don't need to be in a rush, yet. I blame the media. ;-)
So, I guess we're going to keep the price till it sells. We're not over priced by any means, and would accept any reasonable offer. Ed also thinks that staying at this price is fine, since there's been no mention by the people through that the price was out of whack. They have had the weirdest critiques though! For instance, we live in an older neighborhood, mature trees, parks, great school down the street, and the location is awesome. The houses were built in the 1950s and the majority are ramblers that have one car garages and galley style kitchens. One person through said they were considering our house but they didn't like the kitchen or the garage, but they love the neighborhood! Uh? Have ya looked around here? They ALL have one car garages and galley kitchens! The weirdest was, the woman loved the upstairs, the layout, and the use of space (?) but she thought the basement was too dark. Wha?! It's a BASEMENT!?(and all the walls are painted white!) That is so strange. Maybe we need a Plexiglas ceiling in the basement to let some light in?
I just don't understand the mentality. When we were looking both for this house and our first house we wanted unfinished stuff, so we could do it ourselves and build instant equity by doing even small things. And honestly I think that wanting a perfect house with nothing to do to it in this market is a little foolish, back when we bought our homes you got instant equity without lifting a finger because the market kept going up so much. Now the market is stagnant and in order to get equity you need to do work for it. So seems to me you'd be better off with a house that needs some cosmetics, than one that's "perfect".

All I can say right now is that (if this is a karmic thing) to anyone who has ever wished bad upon me, or who I've pissed off, okay okay. Uncle. And sure I'll take it, I'll deal with it. But man, this has been rough. In some weird way this may end up being the best thing to ever happen to us, because it's stripped us to the core. Things have a way of revealing themselves and resolving huge issues. I have never been this far down, and hope I never will be again, but it has given me what I needed, a new perspective. I know there are many things I will never do again, and many others I will do differently. Especially how I relate to money!!!

My new addiction is myspace, yeah I'm a little late on the bandwagon, but I'm not on it for the social aspects, I have accepted my social ineptitude. I loooooooove listening to music on there, there are so many unsigned amazing bands and some really weird stuff too. Love it.

Do sore throats and comet mix?

Probably not.
I've been MIA because we're officially putting the house up on weds, well actually thursday. We have been cleaning and cleaning and organizing. It's exhausting. Hopefully it'll be well worth it. I have to admit I am both scared sh*tless and excited about what comes next. I haven't even let my self think much about it, we'll be moving again, this time out of MN. WOW. You know I wish we could just pick this house up and move it wherever we go, I like our house, it was finally just becoming ours. Now it's clean and shiny for someone else. :-( This was going to be our forever house, the one our kids would grow up in and we'd grow old. I had plans for a huge garden, adding a patio to the deck in the backyard, updating the kitchen, the list goes on. I hope what we gain from this move is more than weather or better finances, I hope that we get breathing room and perspective. I also just hope we get through this move in tact! K~ hates change and fights it, and even though selling the house is largely his idea, it doesn't seem to help. Yes K~ has always had mild to moderate OCD, and it rears it's head whenever change is involved. His entire family is like that in some form. It's been a battle, or maybe more like the third person in our marriage. Sometimes I think we've conquered it and other times I feel defeated by it. I'm thinking that moving will help. I hope. Hell to really break his habit we should move every year! Totally kidding! We'd both end up curled up in opposite corners rocking back and forth muttering to ourselves, A~ would have serious parent issues. ;-)


On the adoption front, I've been disturbed by the rumors in VN again. I just keep praying that that's all it is. I wish that the state department or the uscis would be more forthcoming about concerns they might have if any, or they'd update their page with more current information instead of sticking to the legalese. Oh and I was trying to look for info on the VN embassy site and on the VN government sites, good luck! Nothing. Just a couple forms in PDF, nothing about statistics, or even anything about how Vietnamese people can adopt from their own country. That's not too promising. I mean I know that they're not going to advertise to the world that they've got thousands of children in orphanages, but man you'd think there'd be something! Another thing that concerns me, and this is purely personal, is the flooding of the VN adoption program by those from china in particular. It's almost comical in away that nearly 2/3 of the recent new member intros on a few of the Groups have this sentence, "DH and I have been DTC for x months and with all of the issues in China we've done some soul searching and find that Vietnam is really in our hearts.". Now maybe some of them have done real soul searching, but really? Or is it the same exact thing as the PAPs that say "we've looked for an agency that was a perfect fit for our family and we chose (blank) agency" and lo and behold the perfect fit was also the fastest most controversial agency with immediate referrals. Seems a lot alike to me. VN isn't in your "heart", it's within your time frame (ie. instant gratification). Hey I'm right there with ya, faster is great. But be honest, it's insulting to all of the APs who have children from VN already and are hoping to bring home a sibling after such a long shut down, and it's insulting to those families who have VN heritage (and those whose very first and only choice for whatever reason is VN). Yeah, I'm irritated that China's having such an impact on the VN program, as I'm sure people who's hearts are truly in China are that they have to wait even longer, but I'm mad when people insult my intelligence. Ya jumped ship because the wait was long, duh. (p.s. if you jump ship and don't have a child or have a daughter already please be open to either! VN is not China! And boys are amazing! I am surrounded by them.)

The big reality check is going to hit many of these families, things change rapidly in this new program and there's a storm brewing, either the rumors are true or the rumors will create problems. When we started this last year our wait went from 4 months to 18 months in the span of 3 months. The agency's wait for new families went to 24 months. So don't even count on being done faster than China. And in all honesty, I wouldn't choose VN right now if I already had LID in China. I have even thought of other options, like Taiwan or Korea, or even thinking about domestic. But for us, until VN is shut down, VN is where we hope to bring a child home from.

Late night blogger

I'm sure most parents can relate, I can't get much done when A~ is around. Anything that requires thought or concentration anyway, which is why I end up blogging at work (naughty) or late at night. Work has picked up a tiny bit so there's less opportunity to update the blog.

I'm not sure if anyone would remember that I mentioned that K~ and I were thinking of moving to Viet Nam after selling the house, but we're still thinking about it. Oddly enough it sounds more appealing now, not less. I have been addicted to reading expat blogs. I'm going to post links to some of them. Maybe not tonight but soon. Anyway, it would be a huge huge change. Ya, think?! However, I think it would be for the better, as in we'd appreciate what we have here that much more and the added bonus would be that we'd have gained knowledge of our family's heritage (I say ours because it's a part of my husbands and sons and therefore mine too). And I really have little desire to live in Sweden, Norway or Germany (all my mutt-like heritage) which are all a little too similar in climate to MN. I'm hoping to avoid snow for any length of time, for hopefully the rest of my life. I will gladly visit any or all one day, but live there? No.
Not to mention that in VN my husband will get off the plane and look into a sea of familiar/similar faces. And I really want that for him. I also want to know what it feels like to not see those faces, to be the odd man out. I know that from everything I've read so far that the Vietnamese are for the most part very kind and accommodating to foreigners (for many reasons), at least that's what I hear. So I imagine I would not be subjected to the sorts of racism that K~ or others have faced here in the US, but I think that the fact that I will be aware of my race, my pale skin and odd body, will in itself be a very different experience and will hopefully give me some insight and understanding. I may not walk a mile, but at least a few blocks (in his shoes). It would be an amazing experience and when I get scared and think "what the hell are you thinking" I realize that I would never ever regret going, but I would always wonder "what if" if I didn't. That is what keeps this crazy scary idea alive in my brain. It's almost all I think about, when I'm not thinking about how to adopt without any money. ;-)

Ahhhh adoption. how do you adopt from VN while in VN as an American citizen? I am sure it's complicated as hell and twice as much, between the US and VN governments, they could F*k up a junk yard. They've made great strides in the adoption department (sarcasm). Just when I think I have something figured out, some big pile of poo lands in my in box from Yahoo groups. And just like anything it doesn't go away until you deal with it. So I read what I don't want to hear, and pray that the next round of group daily digests holds better news. Well, they might get things straightened out by the time I'm a grandma. That doesn't help us now. Sorry, don't mean to be negative, but it's been so difficult to figure out what to do. I really can't see us waiting 2 more years to bring our daughter home. And the simple fact is long waits or more clients does not necessarily mean ethical, good service provider or less in it for the money. All it means is long wait. And things would be a lot easier if I were ignorant cattle. But I'm not. At least I hope not. I know that in reality things would not be easier to be ignorant because someday the questions will come and if I didn't ask questions now I'd have a lot more to answer when Laurna got older. Sometimes it's hard when you know you should be asking something, but you have no idea what the magic question is; the question that will get responses from the groups or the question that will get the truth from an agency.
Looks like I've got a little more time to figure this stuff out, and hopefully do more than toss a dart at a wall plastered with the Hanoi Embassy's list of licensed agencies (minus a couple "hell nos"). Which is a very tempting thing.

Good luck to anyone in the process.

Bittersweet Progress

Hi,
This weekend we had A~ head over to Nana's for a few hours for 2 days and managed to accomplish a lot. We now have an official office! A~ has stated several times that he doesn't care for it. I'm thinking it's because it was his bedroom and because it's not a playroom, but an office, so therefore must remain largely toy free. Bummer. ;-)
A~ is full of all sorts of adult like comments these days. Like telling daddy that he's had enough candy, which is phrased very loudly and in the middle of the candy isle at SuperTarget: "K~ that's enough now, you have just too too much candy all of the days!" (K~ has a sweet tooth) he also says "speaking of..." or "actually..." which cracks me up every time.
A~ has taken to playing big brother, which is his game he made up this weekend where I am his baby sister and he tucks me in "bed" on the couch he'll tell me sweetly that he is going to bed too but if I need him I can yell for him. So I yell or whine and say I'm scared, he then gives me a toy to hold to protect me, then he'll go back to his bed on the loveseat. If I'm too quiet and don't yell he checks on me anyway, then says "now you're mommy, mommy you need to yell more, okay now your my baby sister". He goes and lays down. I whine, yell, drop toy on the floor, he picks it up tucks me in then says sweetly, "now baby, I'm tired too, I'm trying to sleep, go to sleep." Ahhhh... wonder where he's heard that before? No, not me!
The office looks very nice. We used old paint we had from other rooms and mixed up a nice warm beige color. We bought some white paint for the trim. Off topic: white paint, why is it that the 2 times I've purchased white paint I have received a sarcastic comment from the paint guy? If you look at those paint chips there's about a thousand different colors of white, I picked whipped white, which had one drop of red and one drop of yellow in it. And the guy says "well there might be a little color to it, ha ha-ha ha" his tone was as if to say "really lady you're making me mix paint for this??" Yes I know, there's a little bit of color in it that's WHY I chose it! (and hey paint guy, have you looked in your paint department? If you have a problem with mixing white paint, you're in for a treat!) Thank god the office is done, now I have moved on to organizing and putting things away in big Rubbermaid containers.
The first items I packed away were all of the things we had purchased and received for Laurna. I nearly ended up in a puddle as I labeled the box. But I tried to keep thinking of this as temporary. It just feels so permanent. I keep wondering am I not thinking of something? Is there away we could continue even without K~'s job? Maybe I should ask more questions, but I'm not sure what questions I should be asking!
We finally have health insurance again! That is a huge load off my mind. And just in time for A~'s 5 yr check up. Boy was it difficult to get it though. We have MNcare, and they seem to take their sweet time no one even knew where the paperwork was for a month, then they asked for records twice. It's a good thing we started the process one month after he lost his job, it's been in process for 3 months! But we have it, and I can breath a little better and I'm soooo getting new glasses! (and a family teeth cleaning)

I'm going to try to find some before pictures of the house so I can post before and after pics.

Things that make me happy today:
Paint; I love how a coat of paint can change a room, and even your mood.
Health Insurance; getting it is hard, keeping it is necessary, COBRA is awful, and not having to worry is 'priceless'. ;-)

Ding Dong Ding

Hey,
I have a song going thru my head. Well, not so much a song but those 3 words, Ding Dong Ding. A~ had a little group recital at his Pre-k today. And oh what drama. The poor kid has developed a case of stage fright. Which is odd considering the fact that he performs "concerts" for us every day sometimes 2-3 times a day! Granted he doesn't sing, he dances, and it's just us. He dances to Gwen Stefani's "laya-laya-lah"(aka. Wind it up) or Sweet Escape these days. But he was so worried last night he was up with nightmares until about 3am. We first let him know that talking about it to his teacher would probably help a lot, I bet she's dealt with this before. Then when he was still worried and crying we assured him that if he would rather stay home it was OK. I hoped he'd go, and face his fears, but I didn't want to put pressure on the little guy. K~ being the dad, let me handle most of it, because his instinct was to tell him he had to go and that he'd just have to deal. Which is normal. But made me think that it'd end up being (what we call) a green bean thing. Force a kid to eat green beans, he'll never eat them again. Be supportive in him trying green beans and he may try them, and in A~'s case may grow to like them.
K~ didn't eat green beans until he was 28. (and he still won't touch canned ones)
So, this morning after I went to work K~ asked A~ if he wanted to go to school. A~ said "yes"! Then he said "I want to make you proud" (Awwww). K~ told him that he was proud even if he chose not to go. But he went and he sang, no tears. He looked very determined and even smiled once or twice.

He really is such a serious kid sometimes. He reminds me of me. And I think it's an only child thing. There's just too much time to think. Parents don't make good playmates, and there aren't any kids in our neighborhood. Plus, he's 5 I'm not going to let him run to a friends house anyway, even if there were kids. ME I was tooling around the neighborhood on my big wheel. I think I 'ran away' every week. Which was just a quick big wheel away to the park. Often I was hanging out at Mrs. Q's house eating doughnuts (I called her my adopted grandma) or waiting around in the yard for the mailman Gordy to bring me mail and hand me rubber bands from his big bag. Ahhh, the 1970's. People would toss moms in jail for half the crap I did alone as a kid! But then I'm sure the previous generation was thinking they were too over protective!
People my grandparent's generation probably wonder what the heck kids do nowadays, when do kids get to run wild? My parents never seemed to have adult supervision in the stories they tell. I should ask.
Anyway, I feel bad that A~ doesn't have a sibling to play or bug or teach or fight with. I know my life is a lot more 2 dimensional because I didn't grow up with a sibling (I have one, but I was 17 when he was born). No matter how hard you try, friends do not replace siblings.
Someday I hope our family will be 4 of us instead of 3.

House news: The doors are still beautiful! I am often found standing in the living room admiring the new front door, mumbling to myself "wow".
We did do actual work this weekend!
A~ went to Nana's, while K~ and I painted the office and bathroom.
NEXT UP: decluttering and a new kitchen floor.

And in trivial news; I'm addicted to a computer game, Roller Coaster Tycoon 2. It's sad, I know.

More Important things

On to more important things: We have been so slow at getting our home ready for sale. It's just that doing anything we need to do, which is mainly painting, during a MN winter is not really feasible. Paint drys sllllooooow in the cold. Plus it stinks and I need windows open. I know, excuses. But their good ones! What have we finished? Well, we laid new carpet in the master BR all by ourselves! Looks great! We switched the rooms around so that the MBR is the MBR not an office. A~ has what was the old MBR before the addition, which in my opinion is the best room in the house, lucky boy! He loves it! Then his old room will be an office, if we can paint it. I rearranged the living room and we bought a small entertainment center, the old one was a huge teak thing built for stereos in the 1950's I was always afraid it would collapse under the weight of our TV. But being the cheap (ahem, frugal) people we are we could never find the extra $ to replace it. And I'm so glad we did.
Today we got our new front entry/storm and mudroom storm doors installed! I have yet to see them in person, but K~ emailed me pics. It's a drastic change from the original 1950's dark solid wood door and (homeowner made) screen doors! I hope it's a good investment. I remember walking up to our house for the first time and thinking these doors are why it hasn't sold. (and why we got such a great deal on our house!)
Next on the list, painting, and more painting. We have to paint the office, the bathrooms (3 of them) the nasty 1950's cabinets, and the stairway. Then we need to replace the flooring in the kitchen and do some serious decluttering/packing up.
And on top of it we've been trying to conceive again, without drugs and Dr.s, so who knows, but we figure we may as well try since adoption's not possible at the moment. It's been difficult to not get hope up. It's been difficult to even try again, since the end of every cycle can be so disappointing. But I tell myself I am hopeful, not wishful. This month I wasn't feeling well and was 4 days late. But, I'm still hopeful, for next month.
K~ hasn't found a job yet. We're not sure how to tackle his getting a job since we'll hopefully be moving out of state. I think he should look into a national company where transfers would be easier. Heck, I'd transfer nearly anywhere!

We've been talking about and I've even been looking into living and working in VN for a year. That would be the best way to learn Vietnamese! Not to mention I love the food, most of the culture and K~ would really benefit from it (A~ and I would too of course)! The only thing I'm not sure I'd deal with well is the heat and humidity.