Beginning my story

HI,
thanks for checking this new blog out. I'm at a total loss as to how to do this, but I figure it's like a journal right? I tend to write in a very conversational form, always have. I have kept a journal since I was in 5th grade when my parents separated. I guess huge life dilemmas are my writing triggers. And here we go again............

I'm beginning.
Odd sentence, but that sums things up. I am beginning, beginning a new job, beginning a loooong trek thru the trials and tribulations, not to mention the insults, and stress of adoption. We (Dh, Ds and I) hope to adopt from a newly re-opened program in Vietnam. The thing is, I am a very private person and the initial paperwork has asked for more info than I was prepared for. I mean, we've got to get finger-printed!! I know that this is all a precaution, no one wants some crazed criminal adopting children, but it still feels so icky. I want a child more than anything so of course I am going to go thru all of this. I just can't help but feel like it's so not fair. It's not fair that I am unable to give my family another biological child, and it's not fair that so many irresponsible women get pregnant and either give up, abort or abuse their kids. That being said I know that kids are life changing and I know that they have a way of making the worst person change their ways. But some don't. Plus, what is it with those women that just say the word pregnant and they're insanity knocked up? What is it? Who needs 16 kids?! And these days who would even have a farm that big? Anyway, I feel like going thru some of this is not only insulting but punishing someone who's been thru a lot already. I don't mind proving I'm healthy, I don't mind them looking to see if I have any police record, which I don't. I do mind them asking for more than my physical records, and wanting permission to interview a counselor from 10 years ago, or making it seem as tho needing help thru a time of stress and receiving it from a therapist or doctor or even thru medicine is somehow wrong. Like there's a stigma attached to asking for help. It's archaic.
The whole concept of adopting is scary. You have to have faith that this child that someone else picks for you will be the right fit for your family without ever having any interaction at all. Hey, we can't all be Angelina Jolie, she can basically walk into any orphanage and pick which one she wants, we don't have the money to be so selective. In fact I can't find any info on how exactly the average person would go about adopting in such a way.
And adoption is expensive! I really have no idea how we are going to do this without nearly bankrupting our family. That's not the way you imagine bringing a new member into the family. So I'm planning a garage sale to help with current debt. At least I can try to whittle that down. I got a new job 3 days a week. My son's not too keen on the idea of mommy being gone now. But at least he's got daddy time. He loves his daddy time, doing yard work and riding his big wheel.
I've been scouring the net for books on different types of families, so I can begin explaining how it's so cool that we will have a unique family to our son. And to explain how he is biological and his (sister) will be adopted and that that is just as special as having a bio-baby. So far I haven't had much luck. Maybe I'll write my own book.

I think that this is probably a good start, besides this laptop is giving me a headache.

Thanks for reading.