Part two of the letter, and mere ramblings

Hi,
So I was, and still am a bit emotional about adoption, admittedly. I have had some time to cool off and read the groups, there's a few very good discussions going on about this subject (the Jolie adoption) on at least 2 of the groups. Everyone has very good opinions, even if they may differ from my own. ;-)
I would like to say that I feel personally that if I were Angelina Jolie (AJ) and if I had gone through all of the usual things that we all go through to adopt, I personally would be angry at how adoptive parents are treated and I would let people know. I will always maintain that due diligence is very very important, but you will never be able to convince me that these fees are reasonable. That the hoops are all for the sole purpose of protecting children and not for profit.
Would I be happy to be fast tracked? Yes. Is it right. No. Would I do it, or would I simply state, no thank you? I don't know, I'll never be in that position. What I would hope that I'd do is educate myself, become aware, and with that I would make others aware of how muddled and exorbitant the adoption world has become. It came as a huge shock for us. And yes I admit I was filled with ideas of finding our child in a book of pictures or going to the orphanage and picking him/her out. When we were told we'd have nothing to do with that, the hugest part of the process, I was floored. Then there are the stories of things gone wrong. Many, many stories. Too many in my opinion for something that should be so closely regulated. There are great discrepancies. and what is the standard for agency workers, or owners? Those are questions I'd ask, if I had money and influence, because if I asked them now plain lil' old me, I'd fear for my adoption. Maybe it's paranoid but I bet the families who are in litigation right now understand exactly what I am worried about. I bet the families who one agency has put through the ringer, who when asked questions or voiced concerns were told they needed anger management and counseling, know why.

I think it's amazing the good that celebrities can do, if they choose. I think that it's great that AJ adopted. I don't begrudge her anything, her money and fame come with complications I'm sure I can't fathom, I am glad she has a family and glad for her that she has been able to do it without the complications I myself have experienced, I wouldn't wish a negative experience on anyone, although it may have sounded as though I do. I do have a lot of questions for those involved, not just her. She says she followed the rules, but I question the time lines. I really really wish that she had been more open in print, in a blog, in press releases, or in one single interview about her own process. I question whether things were done for her because of who she is, and without her knowledge (which is cutting her a lot of slack). I feel it is HER responsibility to know what the reality is, to not rely on the honesty of those she hires. I am supposed to know who I hire, I am supposed to know that the agency I choose has an ethical system in place here and in country. I have been told time and again by many an adoptive parent that we all owe it to each other to stick together to bring about change, that we all need to do our own digging and we all need to educate ourselves. Do I get a free pass if I donate to UNICEF? Do I get a free pass if I'm attractive? Do I get a free pass if I'm just too busy to bother with the research? Can I claim ignorance.

I do think that every single person who adopts becomes an ambassador for adoption whether you like it or not. It just happens that those who are in the public eye have more eyes watching.

It's hard to say that I absolutely wouldn't resent so many strangers wanting to know my time line, but it's fair to say I wouldn't since I started this blog! The entire reason I started this blog is that I want to show the good AND the bad. The bumps the ugly bits, everything. Because I felt soooo lost and still do sometimes, and if my vents, naivety, ramblings, sorrow and (hopefully ending with the) elation of bringing home a daughter, will help anyone feel like there's a kindred spirit out there and they are not crazy, then I have done what I set out to do.

I would like to add that this is not really entirely directed at AJ alone, I have always been irritated with celebrities who adopt. I wish that just one of them would tell the truth, and if it proves me wrong, if they get no special treatment, so be it!!! But at least they will have done it and they will begin to erase this adoption fantasy they portray. I was pissed at meg ryan when she adopted a girl from china out of the blue without ever letting anyone know after the fact that she waited 12-18 months for her (if in fact she did). Or Rosie O for touting the greatness of adoption without ever talking about the difficulties. Don't even get me started on Madonna. LOL! But my best guess is the reason they have never done these things is because they have never experienced them, so it isn't an issue for them. My story has very little in common with theirs. Hopefully the ending will be exactly the same.