Don't care much about it. I think I had about 2 years where I got into football, and it's over. It probably has something to do with living in MN and having to root for the Vikings, who nearly always choke by the way.
Anyway, no adoption news, but why would there be? I have finally gotten off my crazy reasearch jag. I have now picked my top four agencies. And if things don't pan out with our current agency by the time we are paper ready I am now equipped with back ups I am confident with. So that is a HUGE weight off my shoulders. I feel like we are informed now and have a plan. I am not comfortable without a plan, and I'm really not comfortable flying blind. I'm surprised honestly that we are as far into this as we are. I usually research first, and a lot. But in this instance I knew VN had just reopened and I wanted to hurry up and get on a list, any list, to adopt. Of course it also had something to do with having passed the one year mark of trying to have a baby and doing way more than I ever wanted with fertility stuff. I needed a Light at the end of the tunnel. And I felt I had that with adoption, it may take long, but there was an end in sight. Whereas, there really was no light at the end of the fertility tunnel, just the need and hope for one.
I am discovering now that we may have a light at the end of our adoption tunnel, but it seems as though we take one step toward it and it moves three steps further away.
I do want to thank everyone in the online adoption community for being so amazing. Without that resource and support I think we would have been much more frustrated and may have given up. I have found so many people and stories inspiring. Being able to ask questions without feeling stupid or judged has been so helpful, and I am forever grateful to those who answered my questions and reached out to me. I hope someday I can help another PAP navigate this frustrating crazy wonderful world of adoption.
Pass it on...
Monday, October 30, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Bleary eyed
That's how I look and feel these days.
Too much time in front of the computer screen. I hid my mulit-media degree away in a closet somewhere because of computers and how brain dead I get sitting in front of one, and now I'm doing this willingly?? Well now you know it's bad when the computer is my new best friend. Up until now it's always been a sort of love hate relationship we've had. I tell ya, one of the funnest things I ever did was take a hammer to our old PC on a beautiful summer day in the back yard, the day after we bought our new shiny white Mac. It must run in the family because about a year later my dad did the same thing in his garage after a virus got his PC. Hey don't look at me! I didn't tell him to do it.
Can I go get acupuncture everyday? Well I probably could I just couldn't afford it. I wish I could. I sleep there, they play nice asian music softly as I lay there with between 14 and 20 needles in random (to me) spots and a nice heat lamp aimed right at my belly button. Why am I going, you may ask? Well, it's for 'female' issues. I term it fertility issues, as I have unexplained infertility, which really to me means my body is way out of whack. So the getting pregnant part is not nearly as important as the feeling better part. I can explain half of why I can't concieve, I ony have one ovary, ha-ha! Half of it, get it? Lame. It's late, I can hardly type straight.
I have no real point to this entry, if you can't tell. I've been reading blogs all night, and thought that I should post and this time make it a random one, life doesn't always have to be so bogged down with our desires. (my current one being adoption)
So tonight I will pray for patience and wisdom. And the key to following my heart.
night...
Too much time in front of the computer screen. I hid my mulit-media degree away in a closet somewhere because of computers and how brain dead I get sitting in front of one, and now I'm doing this willingly?? Well now you know it's bad when the computer is my new best friend. Up until now it's always been a sort of love hate relationship we've had. I tell ya, one of the funnest things I ever did was take a hammer to our old PC on a beautiful summer day in the back yard, the day after we bought our new shiny white Mac. It must run in the family because about a year later my dad did the same thing in his garage after a virus got his PC. Hey don't look at me! I didn't tell him to do it.
Can I go get acupuncture everyday? Well I probably could I just couldn't afford it. I wish I could. I sleep there, they play nice asian music softly as I lay there with between 14 and 20 needles in random (to me) spots and a nice heat lamp aimed right at my belly button. Why am I going, you may ask? Well, it's for 'female' issues. I term it fertility issues, as I have unexplained infertility, which really to me means my body is way out of whack. So the getting pregnant part is not nearly as important as the feeling better part. I can explain half of why I can't concieve, I ony have one ovary, ha-ha! Half of it, get it? Lame. It's late, I can hardly type straight.
I have no real point to this entry, if you can't tell. I've been reading blogs all night, and thought that I should post and this time make it a random one, life doesn't always have to be so bogged down with our desires. (my current one being adoption)
So tonight I will pray for patience and wisdom. And the key to following my heart.
night...
Friday, October 27, 2006
So it's Friday.
I'm still learning...
I've been glued to the computer, reading blogs and web groups, anything I can find. I even emailed the consulate in Hanoi. All in my quest for information. I know I don't HAVE to be this anal, but since I wasn't at all when we signed with our agency I am making up for that now. They came so highly recommended, I thought I had done due diligence by checking out other families. Now I know, in this case those families could have been talking about another place entirely, as there was no way they could recommend a new program. But I didn't realize the difference between program and agency. Silly me, I believed the schpiel about it's all about the children, and we're non profit, we just want the families to be happy. I mean I didn't fall for it 100 percent, and I'm sure they are about the kids and families up to a point, but all I had to do was look around at the office and see there clearly was profit being made. I fell enough to believe that they were going to have my back so to speak, I now don't feel they truly do. And this is not just my agency, it's any agency, I feel. They are in the business of adopting, not of taking care of customers. The general feeling I get from agencies in general is that the end result is what matters, not the in between. I really thought they'd have standards regarding customer service! As we're spending our entire life savings on adoption, I figured agencies would at least owe us that. But I suppose most APs don't go back to the agency that delivered them their child and say 'you did a bad job'. It does seem trival when we're talking about children and I think that's what gets them off the hook, we're too worried about being polite or seeming ungrateful. I think more APs should let agencies know when they're less than satisfied. Otherwise what incentive do they have to improve? I swear it's easier to find a good waxer or a good car mechanic than a good agency, and you know why I think that is? Because there's little regulation, and there is rarely such a thing as free speech in the adoption world.(I wish there was an Angie's list for adoption) Here I thought 'no news was good news', when in truth it's often the opposite. I have to say that I can get pretty livid about the whole thing, especially when I hear about celebrities adopting and they spew all this wonderful well-meaning stuff about for the kids and helping kids, great, that is truly awesome, it is. But those kids who will be adopted, they need parents that aren't run through the ringer. Those kids need someone to advocate for their parents too! Not that I'm saying this isn't worth it, I know it will be. I just don't think that it has to be this secretive, unorganized, and difficult. Not to mention I have yet to figure out why exactly it is so insanely expensive (for "non- Profit").
See I said I get on a soap box again. ; )
I'm still not sure if we are for sure going to change agencies. I am about 80 percent there. It would make things 'easier', and 'cheaper' to stay, but I'm up for difficult and more $. If we do stay, I plan to become everything I am not now, I am going to ask questions and want real answers, I'm going to be calling, emailing, everything to let them know I'm not just in it for the ride. I am going to be OUR biggest advocate and I'm not going to care if I 'bug' them or not, which I'm sure at some point I will. (things I'd do now anywhere we adopted from)
Well, the four year old calls.....
I've been glued to the computer, reading blogs and web groups, anything I can find. I even emailed the consulate in Hanoi. All in my quest for information. I know I don't HAVE to be this anal, but since I wasn't at all when we signed with our agency I am making up for that now. They came so highly recommended, I thought I had done due diligence by checking out other families. Now I know, in this case those families could have been talking about another place entirely, as there was no way they could recommend a new program. But I didn't realize the difference between program and agency. Silly me, I believed the schpiel about it's all about the children, and we're non profit, we just want the families to be happy. I mean I didn't fall for it 100 percent, and I'm sure they are about the kids and families up to a point, but all I had to do was look around at the office and see there clearly was profit being made. I fell enough to believe that they were going to have my back so to speak, I now don't feel they truly do. And this is not just my agency, it's any agency, I feel. They are in the business of adopting, not of taking care of customers. The general feeling I get from agencies in general is that the end result is what matters, not the in between. I really thought they'd have standards regarding customer service! As we're spending our entire life savings on adoption, I figured agencies would at least owe us that. But I suppose most APs don't go back to the agency that delivered them their child and say 'you did a bad job'. It does seem trival when we're talking about children and I think that's what gets them off the hook, we're too worried about being polite or seeming ungrateful. I think more APs should let agencies know when they're less than satisfied. Otherwise what incentive do they have to improve? I swear it's easier to find a good waxer or a good car mechanic than a good agency, and you know why I think that is? Because there's little regulation, and there is rarely such a thing as free speech in the adoption world.(I wish there was an Angie's list for adoption) Here I thought 'no news was good news', when in truth it's often the opposite. I have to say that I can get pretty livid about the whole thing, especially when I hear about celebrities adopting and they spew all this wonderful well-meaning stuff about for the kids and helping kids, great, that is truly awesome, it is. But those kids who will be adopted, they need parents that aren't run through the ringer. Those kids need someone to advocate for their parents too! Not that I'm saying this isn't worth it, I know it will be. I just don't think that it has to be this secretive, unorganized, and difficult. Not to mention I have yet to figure out why exactly it is so insanely expensive (for "non- Profit").
See I said I get on a soap box again. ; )
I'm still not sure if we are for sure going to change agencies. I am about 80 percent there. It would make things 'easier', and 'cheaper' to stay, but I'm up for difficult and more $. If we do stay, I plan to become everything I am not now, I am going to ask questions and want real answers, I'm going to be calling, emailing, everything to let them know I'm not just in it for the ride. I am going to be OUR biggest advocate and I'm not going to care if I 'bug' them or not, which I'm sure at some point I will. (things I'd do now anywhere we adopted from)
Well, the four year old calls.....
Monday, October 23, 2006
The long winding road
So we finally got our rough draft, it looks great. One problem though. (always is, isn't there) I have now amassed so much new information I have totally confused the heck out of myself. I'm just not sure that we should stay with the same agency for our adoption. They told us a lot of false statements when we first signed up. They covered their butts by saying, of course things could change. But things changed drastically. And the wait went from 1-4 month for referral to 9+ months, and then add the additional time to travel and it could be a year from NOW when we bring her home! And when we'd started in April we thought a year from then, TOPS. I think they are trying as hard a they can to speed things up. I just think that the people running the program are a little inexperienced, and this situation calls for experience. Of course I'm just going by how things feel to me and the little information I have been able to glean from them and online.
The other agency I had originally hoped to go through has run into some major road blocks as well. Though I think that the people running their program are a little more prepared. Again just a guess.
So my problem is do we wait, most likely a year, 7+ months more than we'd hoped, and stay where we are? Or do we go with another agency? There are so many rumors flying around about these agencies with little way of checking for facts, so you have to basically choose the best of the worst. And then pray you've done the right thing. Or stick with an agency that has no rumor attached, partly because they have only brought home 2 families, and then wait 3 times longer than any other agency. In all honesty I would most likely wait the extra time if this were our first child. It's not. And as it is with all of the fertility things we've tried and wasted time with, our children are going to be far apart. As an only child myself, I really feel driven to have them be as close in age as I can get them, without adopting a toddler. (we're open to up to 18 months) I had thought that I had a perfect albeit totally random way of picking an agency, K's family lives in VN, in Nha Trang, so I was going to pick an agency that works in provinces near his family, that way they could go visit her or give us info about the area and the orphanage, and when we went to get her we would be near them so we could visit, beforehand. And as luck would have it there is only one agency operating anywhere near there, in the province next door! But, it's the agency that has had the only negative rumor that has more than one person to verify it, and that I believe. Of course! There goes that idea.
UGH!
We have to make the final decision this week. That's my personal deadline. Till then I am going to be researching the HECK out of agencies, then I'll flip a coin. (kidding, I hope)
The other agency I had originally hoped to go through has run into some major road blocks as well. Though I think that the people running their program are a little more prepared. Again just a guess.
So my problem is do we wait, most likely a year, 7+ months more than we'd hoped, and stay where we are? Or do we go with another agency? There are so many rumors flying around about these agencies with little way of checking for facts, so you have to basically choose the best of the worst. And then pray you've done the right thing. Or stick with an agency that has no rumor attached, partly because they have only brought home 2 families, and then wait 3 times longer than any other agency. In all honesty I would most likely wait the extra time if this were our first child. It's not. And as it is with all of the fertility things we've tried and wasted time with, our children are going to be far apart. As an only child myself, I really feel driven to have them be as close in age as I can get them, without adopting a toddler. (we're open to up to 18 months) I had thought that I had a perfect albeit totally random way of picking an agency, K's family lives in VN, in Nha Trang, so I was going to pick an agency that works in provinces near his family, that way they could go visit her or give us info about the area and the orphanage, and when we went to get her we would be near them so we could visit, beforehand. And as luck would have it there is only one agency operating anywhere near there, in the province next door! But, it's the agency that has had the only negative rumor that has more than one person to verify it, and that I believe. Of course! There goes that idea.
UGH!
We have to make the final decision this week. That's my personal deadline. Till then I am going to be researching the HECK out of agencies, then I'll flip a coin. (kidding, I hope)
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
It's been a while, huh?
Hi again.
I got discouraged, and flaked out on the whole blog thing. Then I got really determined and busy researching, now I'm baaackk!
So, first things first we had our 2 day adoptive parents class, which were Waaayy too long. And so emotionally draining that we felt as though we'd endured some kind of battle. We would regard each other as battle buddies for a few weeks after. Man. It was redundant to say the least. And they didn't talk about the things you'd think they'd talk about and beat to death the things they did. But we did learn some good and valuable things, about interracial adoption, which will affect us less than most parents there, but will no doubt affect us. We are glad they had the classes, we just wish they'd have condensed the racial issues a bit, and had more variety of issues.
And we FINISHED OUR HOMESTUDY! Woo-Hoo!
I think we lucked out in the social worker area, she was so great! Our son (A-) just loved her, he kept calling her "social worker" though. I think it's because it was a bigger word and he felt grown up. He was so funny, taking her on a tour of our house, explaining things. Things she didn't need to know, like "We just put the stair railing back up this morning! We had to take it off when we moved here (3 years ago) to get the washer downstairs." That caused her to chuckle a little bit. I think K- and I were more nervous for the second interview at our home than the one where we met at the office. I just babbled on and on, I wonder if I even answered any of her questions!! I think she just thought we were plain goofy. Luckily she has a sense of humor. Well, I guess I won't know for sure until we see her rough draft of the home-study. ;-)
So currently we are staring at our next HUGE bill from the agency wondering how we're going to do this. I put K- on the financial, and I'm trying to figure out some fundraising. I've been on OnlineGroups nearly everyday getting the scoop on the whole Viet Nam and adoption thing. I had no idea how mind boggling and involved it all is even though you have such little control. I'm sure at some point I'll get on another soapbox, but today is just an update. Lucky you! Haha! ;-)
Oh, and I changed the name of the blog, to waiting for Laurna Lynh, since short of a miracle I don't see us bringing her home in January (wow, I had such hi-hopes). And we've chosen the name Laurna, after my grandma Lorna, and the Vietnamese name Lynh. We had always planned that if we had a son his middle name would be Edward after my grandpa, if we had a girl her name would have a Vietnamese middle name. A- would've been Stella Mai, had he been a girl.
So even though we're adopting from VN, we can still stick to our plans!
Also, I have been shopping. Still clearance shopping, and it's been curbed considerably, but she has quite a collection. My mom has been helping with it too. I swear she's more excited about this than anyone!!
I will try to post some pictures and I hope to start developing a webring, is that what it's called? Anyway, a links of interest area for people to read other blogs and get info on Viet Nam.
Take care!!
I got discouraged, and flaked out on the whole blog thing. Then I got really determined and busy researching, now I'm baaackk!
So, first things first we had our 2 day adoptive parents class, which were Waaayy too long. And so emotionally draining that we felt as though we'd endured some kind of battle. We would regard each other as battle buddies for a few weeks after. Man. It was redundant to say the least. And they didn't talk about the things you'd think they'd talk about and beat to death the things they did. But we did learn some good and valuable things, about interracial adoption, which will affect us less than most parents there, but will no doubt affect us. We are glad they had the classes, we just wish they'd have condensed the racial issues a bit, and had more variety of issues.
And we FINISHED OUR HOMESTUDY! Woo-Hoo!
I think we lucked out in the social worker area, she was so great! Our son (A-) just loved her, he kept calling her "social worker" though. I think it's because it was a bigger word and he felt grown up. He was so funny, taking her on a tour of our house, explaining things. Things she didn't need to know, like "We just put the stair railing back up this morning! We had to take it off when we moved here (3 years ago) to get the washer downstairs." That caused her to chuckle a little bit. I think K- and I were more nervous for the second interview at our home than the one where we met at the office. I just babbled on and on, I wonder if I even answered any of her questions!! I think she just thought we were plain goofy. Luckily she has a sense of humor. Well, I guess I won't know for sure until we see her rough draft of the home-study. ;-)
So currently we are staring at our next HUGE bill from the agency wondering how we're going to do this. I put K- on the financial, and I'm trying to figure out some fundraising. I've been on OnlineGroups nearly everyday getting the scoop on the whole Viet Nam and adoption thing. I had no idea how mind boggling and involved it all is even though you have such little control. I'm sure at some point I'll get on another soapbox, but today is just an update. Lucky you! Haha! ;-)
Oh, and I changed the name of the blog, to waiting for Laurna Lynh, since short of a miracle I don't see us bringing her home in January (wow, I had such hi-hopes). And we've chosen the name Laurna, after my grandma Lorna, and the Vietnamese name Lynh. We had always planned that if we had a son his middle name would be Edward after my grandpa, if we had a girl her name would have a Vietnamese middle name. A- would've been Stella Mai, had he been a girl.
So even though we're adopting from VN, we can still stick to our plans!
Also, I have been shopping. Still clearance shopping, and it's been curbed considerably, but she has quite a collection. My mom has been helping with it too. I swear she's more excited about this than anyone!!
I will try to post some pictures and I hope to start developing a webring, is that what it's called? Anyway, a links of interest area for people to read other blogs and get info on Viet Nam.
Take care!!
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